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You said I was following my dream.

You said he always chickens out!! WTF??

Zwei Polizisten halten in Sachsen einen Autofahrer an. Er kommt aus England. Sagt der eine Polizist zum anderen: „Baul, schraib ma uff: Dor Audofahror had sei Lengrad uff dor falschn Saide!" Fragt der Engländer: „What do you want from me?" Sagt der Polizist: „Baul, schraib off: Dor Mann red wirres Zeuch!" Dann geht er um das Auto des Engländers herum, sieht hinten einen Aufkleber mit der Aufschrift „GB". „Baul, streisch alles, der is von dor Griminalbolizei!"

You said I wouldn't have kids after my vasectomy, but when I got home they were still there! - I think maybe you need a brain scan as well..

My gynecologist said no sex for a month. - What did your dentist say?

And then I said to him... - Hey! - What? Oh, sorry, your voice is so soothing. - Hey!

She said "no"

Go swimming they said... Nope.

The enunciation apocalypse. - No, Alexa. I said order lunch!

I went to McDonalds and asked if they had a vegan McDouble and the worker said yes...and this is what the piece of trash gave me.

Karle, bleib loggr! I regl dees! Weller Seggl von Eich, hodd zom Karle fedde Meersau gsaid?!

Death Metal concerts? At your age? You look ridiculous! - ...she said.

But darling, I never said that... - What Bob said and when.

Die Kombination aus Ingwer, Kamille und Honig lindert Menstruationsschmerzen wirksamer als Medikamente (NSAIDs).

No! No! I said carve a sacred cow!

No, no, no! I said, "Off to the Schmidt house."

Grandma said, sell the bike and get a minivan for the grandkids. Grandpa, nope.

Me looking in the mirror after my mom said l’m looking handsome after the new haircut:

Thinking about the time that I said that I was distantly related to Marie Curie and a guy explained "It's pronounced Mariah Carey"

IT SAID TO SERVE AT ROOM TEMPERATURE!

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